I Almost Missed The Love I Need Most

My youngest child turned two a few days ago and ever since, I can see how difficult it can be dealing with me sometimes! One second it’s all smiles and laughs and with the blink of an eye it’s screeching and tears. You cannot predict moods or the outcome of each day. She’s been home with her daddy during the days for a while now while I work, and most nights I barely even get a hello from her before bed. She’s too busy flitting and following her siblings through the house. Not last night.

I walked in from work, later than normal, after having worked long hours. I was tired and mentally drained from a conversation I had just ended with someone while driving home. Usually driving is my decompression and unwinding time, blare my music, clear my head time. But that wasn’t the case last night.

As soon as I walked in my little Monkey wanted to be in my arms no matter where I was. I attempted a conversation with her father who was busying himself making dinner. While I sat on the kitchen floor leaning against a cabinet, guess who decided to make herself right at home in my lap! I’m not sure if it was because I was on her level and she actually noticed me for a change. Whenever I moved my hands, she grabbed and pulled them right back around her tiny waist, ensuring I held her tightly in a hug the entire time. Content with her seating arrangement, she munched on an apple slice and I could smell the sweet aroma of its juice mixing in her normal entrancing scent. Have you ever just deeply breathed in the smell of your child? Such an amazing feeling!

A thought entered my mind I’m sure most parents have considered often and a lot, I know I’ve read plenty of articles about it, even full books. There was a moment I briefly picked up my phone which laid next to me and then I put it back down behind me. I didn’t need Facebook or a text in that moment. I didn’t need an email or a farm game. I needed to live in the moment and feel it, along with every moment of my life, big or small.

I have no intention of turning this into a sermon about why you need to put your phone down. This is just my own personal realization within my life. It began when I saw and shared a meme on Facebook the other day. That damn thing can be the devil, can and has ruined many relationships I’m sure. Some of my own even. But it can be incredibly useful when used correctly. This time it was a gentle reminder to take a step back.

Sometimes, I let my LIFE get in the way of my LOVE and last night I needed my child’s love as much as she needed her mama. If I had not put my phone down and given her the attention, I would’ve missed her kisses completely. I would’ve missed the opportunity to breathe her scent in, an effect strong as swallowing a Xanax for me sometimes. It was a learning moment for sure.

I have recently been making more conscious effort to not have my phone in my hands all the time for a while now, both at work and at home. Sometimes it’s a helpful tool to own, it manages my life, but many times it’s an anchor weighing me down. When it comes to that point, putting my phone down gives me freedom from that weight and I remember how much can be missed by being so attached to a device.

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